Posts Tagged ‘heaven’

Ten things rednecks know about Heaven

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

Country people, rednecks, are big on going to church. They have a great deal of faith about Heaven and their future in Heaven. They also know some things that learned religious leaders in the great metropolitan areas of this country do not.

10. In Heaven, every day is payday.

9. You can drink all the liquor and beer you want in Heaven. You’ll get drunk but won’t ever have a hangover or get sick.

8. Your momma will be in heaven. But, she’ll never again be pissed at you about some dumb thing you did.

7. Your old dog will be in Heaven. And he can talk.

6. There will be just as many cowgirls as cowboys in Heaven.

5. There’s red hot chili, fresh baked apple pie and pickled eggs available to eat 24/7.

4. The preacher really did mean “until death do you part”. And there are a lot of good looking women in Heaven.

3. The Gospel writers go off-roading in tricked up pickups every weekend. You can come along if you bring the beer.

2. There are doubleheaders every Sunday, a baseball game followed by a NASCAR race.

1. God always has a chew in His mouth and a can of Coke in His hand.