To Congress: Who’s running this circus?
To George Bush: WTF?
To Paris Hilton: How about lifting that restraining order?
To the Republican Party: WTF?
To Harry Reid: I’ll bet you thought I was going to ask WTF? Nope. Huh?
To Rosie O’Donnell: Are you going to eat that pizza?
To General Pace: Will you please run for President?
To Nancy Pelosi: How come you look like Michael Jackson?
To the National Review Online: How many blogs do you need?
To the Wayans brothers: Why?
To OJ: Why?
To Joe Lieberman: When are you changing your party affiliation to Republican?
To Hillary Clinton: Is that Chuck Schumer sticking out of your bum?
To Barak Obama: Is that Hillary Clinton sticking out of your bum?
To American automakers: Have you given up on making a good looking American car?
To Ted Kennedy: Are you going to eat that pizza?

Having gone through the listings from the three major networks for the “new” season beginning this Fall, I was left without much to choose from. So, here’s some ideas of my own. Feel free to steal them. I’ll only sue if the series is a vast success.

Agent of the Vatican

In a world of devilish Masonic conspiracies and fanatical Muslim plots, only one man can save Western civilization. Leo Secundus, agent of the Vatican.

It’s Crowded in Here

Life, from the perspective of any of the many personalities of Sarah. Yes, a new look at an old personality disorder.

You Pick Your Friends, You Live With Your Family

A reality show pitting a contestant’s family against his friends. He must decide who has helped him the most during that week. If the public vote supports him, he wins.

Mean or Green

An environmental activist works on a different project every week. The kicker is that the next week, he finds out how his last project created all sorts of problems. That doesn’t stop him as he continues with a new project.

Oops

A klutzy college cheerleader, her second string boyfriend, and a host of other almost wannabies try to make it to the A list at a small California college.

Write something bad about Republican Candidate for President Ron Paul.

Whoever the f**k he is.

• It’s much more difficult to tear a person’s head off of his shoulders than you might think.
• It doesn’t matter how you look; you’re still dead.
• There is a good use for hemp.
• There’s no shame if your last words are “I think I pissed myself.”
• Hood? I don’t need no stinking hood! I’m the President of Ir…

The Iraqi High Court has announced the issuance of a limited edition Saddam Hussein keepsake ornament. Within the next thirty days, the Court will make available this carefully crafted hanging Saddam collector’s piece. Only a few will be made, and each one will be accompanied by a Certificate of Authenticity.

The piece will be available in your choice of mustard gas yellow or uranium yellowcake orange.

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You must be 18 or older to order. Please have your credit card ready. No United Nations oil vouchers will be accepted.

To order, call now 1-900-DEADGUY. That’s 1-900-332-3489.

Offer void in Syria and Iran.