America's North Shore Journal » Satire
Questions That Must Be Asked
To Congress: Who’s running this circus? To George Bush: WTF? To Paris Hilton: How about lifting that restraining order? To the Republican Party: WTF? To Harry Reid: I’ll bet you thought I was going to ask WTF? Nope. Huh? To Rosie O’Donnell: Are you going to eat that pizza? To General Pace: Will you please run for President? To Nancy Pelosi: How come you look like Michael Jackson? To the National Review Online: How many blogs do you need? To the Wayans brothers: Why? To OJ: Why? To Joe Lieberman: When are you changing your party affiliation to Republican? To Hillary Clinton: Is that Chuck Schumer sticking out of your bum? To Barak Obama: Is that Hillary Clinton sticking out of your bum? To American automakers: Have you given up on making a good looking American car? To Ted Kennedy: Are you going to eat … Read entire article »
Filed under: Original writing, Satire
Pitching Television Pilots
Having gone through the listings from the three major networks for the “new” season beginning this Fall, I was left without much to choose from. So, here’s some ideas of my own. Feel free to steal them. I’ll only sue if the series is a vast success. Agent of the Vatican In a world of devilish Masonic conspiracies and fanatical Muslim plots, only one man can save Western civilization. Leo Secundus, agent of the Vatican. It’s Crowded in Here Life, from the perspective of any of the many personalities of Sarah. Yes, a new look at an old personality disorder. You Pick Your Friends, You Live With Your Family A reality show pitting a contestant’s family against his friends. He must decide who has helped him the most during that week. If the public vote supports … Read entire article »
Filed under: Original writing, Satire
How to Generate Blog Traffic
Write something bad about Republican Candidate for President Ron Paul. Whoever the f**k he is. … Read entire article »
Filed under: American Politics, Blogging, Original writing, Politics, Satire
Things I Learned From Saddam’s Hanging
It’s much more difficult to tear a person’s head off of his shoulders than you might think. It doesn’t matter how you look; you’re still dead. There is a good use for hemp. There’s no shame if your last words are “I think I pissed myself.” Hood? I don’t need no stinking hood! I’m the President of Ir… … Read entire article »
Filed under: Mocking, Original writing, Satire
Order Your Hanging Saddam Keepsake NOW!
The Iraqi High Court has announced the issuance of a limited edition Saddam Hussein keepsake ornament. Within the next thirty days, the Court will make available this carefully crafted hanging Saddam collector’s piece. Only a few will be made, and each one will be accompanied by a Certificate of Authenticity. The piece will be available in your choice of mustard gas yellow or uranium yellowcake orange. Preorder now! Quantities will be limited. Be the first on your block to own a hanging Saddam. Think of how your neighbors will be green with envy as he swings in the breeze next to your wind chimes. You must be 18 or older to order. Please have your credit card ready. No United Nations oil vouchers will be accepted. To order, call now 1-900-DEADGUY. That’s 1-900-332-3489. Offer … Read entire article »
Filed under: Iraq, Mocking, Original writing, Satire, War on Terror
Sandy Burger Outed
The report is finally out. Yes, Sandy Burger is a thief. You remember his excuse? “It was an honest mistake.” … Read entire article »
Filed under: Original writing, Satire
Mary Katherine Ham
Mary Katherine Ham is the latest darling of the middle aged men that make up the right wing blogosphere. She’s pretty, smart, pretty, well-spoken, pretty, and just barely legal. And pretty. Townhall prints her bio but it is as dry as the Sahara and as bereft of content as a John Kerry speech. I’ve done some digging and found out the things not included in her offical bio. Mary Kate was born into a poor farming family in the hills of North Carolina. Her roots in the deep South have, to this day, failed to have any effect on her affected French Canadian accent, however. Her family lived way back in the hills. They were so isolated that the only time they left the farm was for church on Sunday. And Wednesday. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Blogging, Original writing, Other Bloggers, Satire
Snarkiness and Other Thoughts
Did you ever wonder if Captain Kirk ever got it on with Yeoman Rand? And if she kept her boots on for it? Whoever cancelled Whoopi is an idiot. They need to fire the writers for General Hospital and All My Children. And, yes, I would so do Kendall Hart. I saw Fantasia on Fox and Friends Weekend. I hope she sings a hell of a lot better than she talks. Cause she sure seems to be a self-centered ass. Miss Australia. Crikies! Good on ya! So who would win in a fight, Jessica Lynch or Lynndie England? How about if there was jello involved? John Kerry has a bad temper and he has a control problem. Temper, not bladder (so far as I know). I bought a new mattress and box spring, King Coil. Paid a … Read entire article »
Filed under: Original writing, Satire
Coming Soon: Future Posts
- Declaration of War 1812 (in 129 days)
- USS President vs HMS Belvidera (in 134 days)
- General Hull Invades Canada (in 153 days)
- First Battle of Sacketts Harbor (in 160 days)
On Y!CN
- Radioactive Gravel from Japanese Nuke Disaster Used in Buildings
- Fuel Supplies Reach Nome
- Fuel Convoy Reaches Nome
- Russians Sail to Rescue of Ice Bound Alaska Community
- Pope Embraces Anglicans in U.S. with New Ordinariate
- Nebraska Nuke Plant Placed on Special Inspection Status
- Radioactive Water Leaks at Japanese Nuke Site
- Japan Damaged Nuke Plants Still Not Under Control
Social Links
Edison’s Lights Put Out
December 21st, 2007 | 1 Comment
The Congress has spoken. That light bulb you climb on a chair to change every so often? Banned within a few years. Instead, you’ll be forced to buy compact fluorescent lights, CFL’s, those squiggly blubs. Here’s what GE says, and remember they WANT you to buy CFL’s. Because the wattage of a CFL bulb is much lower than that of an incandescent, you can use higher wattage CFL giving you the equivalent light of a higher wattage incandescent. For example: If your fixture says not to exceed 60 watts, you can use a 15 watt CFL to get the same amount of light as an incandescent bulb or use up to a 42 watt CFL and increase the amount of light. CFLs are safe to use in your home. CFLs contain a very small … Read entire article »
Filed under: Commentary, Mushy, Original writing, Satire, Science