America's North Shore Journal » Satire
Ten things rednecks know about Heaven
Country people, rednecks, are big on going to church. They have a great deal of faith about Heaven and their future in Heaven. They also know some things that learned religious leaders in the great metropolitan areas of this country do not. 10. In Heaven, every day is payday. 9. You can drink all the liquor and beer you want in Heaven. You’ll get drunk but won’t ever have a hangover or get sick. 8. Your momma will be in heaven. But, she’ll never again be pissed at you about some dumb thing you did. 7. Your old dog will be in Heaven. And he can talk. 6. There will be just as many cowgirls as cowboys in Heaven. 5. There’s red hot chili, fresh baked apple pie and pickled eggs available to eat 24/7. 4. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Original writing, Satire
52nd Annual Grammys: Fashion or Faux Pas
I have been wanting to do a fashion review of one of the big entertainment shows for some time. The main problem is that photos are always copyrighted so using them is out. So, what I will attempt is to link to the photo, and snark away. CELEB FASHION FAUX PAS Lady Gaga Dress is hot Hand ornament is not Beyonce Very classy and chic Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi Too chunky for this monkey Katy Perry Dear God! Someone buy this woman a sun lamp. And a new dress. Jennifer Lopez It looks like some TP got stuck in her neckline instead of on her shoe. Is there a dress under there? Mary J. Blige Classic and classy. Jennifer Hudson Her dress looks like a leftover from her last office job. Miley Cyrus Fabulous look. Just perfect for a teen girl at the Grammys. Heidi Klum Must have lost the pants that went … Read entire article »
Filed under: Mocking, Original writing, Reviews, Satire
SLIMFAST makes fast recovery from product recall
Facing the prospect of recalling all of its Slim·Fast® liquid diet products, the Unilever Company has responded with the roll out of a new product, repackaging the recalled materials as Slim·Faster®. By turning a weakness into a strength, Unilever builds its brand even stronger and opens an entirely new market for its product. Bacterial contamination of the canned diet liquid can cause a rapid onset of nausea and diarrhea, in as little as thirty minutes from ingestion. Slim·Faster® is the diet product for people on the go. Not only does the product provide a nutritious and filling meal for the weight conscious consumer, the rapid onset of diarrhea ensures that little dieting time will be lost by the consumer. Director of Research Diarree Erbrechen Ph.D. points out that many modern consumers complain that … Read entire article »
Filed under: Original writing, Satire
Businesses and Business Mottoes You Will Never See
Lawyers, Guns and Money, Inc. – Call us when the shit hits the fan Hump, Squat and P. – Dog Walkers Holy Shit – a Christian church with a surprise OJ and Fudge – Septic Tank Cleaning Bloody Despair, LLC – Cat Trainers Golden Showers and Sons – Plumbers Fold, Spindle and Mutilate, Inc. – Bill Collectors … Read entire article »
Filed under: Original writing, Satire
Cat Racing Rules
The course will consist of two legs. The first will be from daddy’s bedroom door to the photo cabinet in mommy’s room. The second leg of the race will be the reverse of the first. Cats participating in races will reverse starting field order for the second leg of the race. While overtaking is encouraged, passing is not allowed. Cats may join the race in progress but must enter at the rear of the field. Running into mommy or daddy is not allowed. Running into other cats is also disapproved. Spectator cats are warned to stay well clear of the race course. Furniture may be used as part of the course but only if all cats racing are thin enough to make the jumps required. Pit stops for personal hygiene and grooming are allowed. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Cats, Original writing, Satire
Washington Syndrome
The press has inundated Alaska with reporters and will have shortly interviewed every single person belonging to the 20% that do not rate Sarah Palin highly. Many of the reporters have flocked to the state capital of Juneau. Yes, Alaska has a state capital and it is Juneau. Shocking, well, shocked reports are hitting the press about the inner workings of the Alaskan state government. No one should be shocked, however, since it is obvious that the Alaskan government operates pretty much like every other state government in the nation. Spend some time learning about your state government if you do not believe me. The problem with state governments is called “Washington Syndrome“. It is highly contagious, infecting 90% or more of those exposed. It can also be genetically inherited. The symptoms of … Read entire article »
Filed under: American Politics, Original writing, Politics, Satire
Code Word Update
For those of you having trouble understanding the Presidential campaign, here’s a little help. The use of “code words” to conceal your true meaning has complicated things. Here are those “code words” and their real meanings. community organizer = black Jesus = Barry Obama pig = women opposing Barry Obama, Sarah Palin sweetie = any woman Barry Obama wltf children = Barry Obama’s children retard = Sarah Palin’s child family = Barry Obama’s successful American wife and children black = Barry Obama’s Muslim / white upbringing in Indonesia, Hawaii and Kansas, Yale education, rich white friends lies = refusal to use “code words” hope and change = Chicago machine rule and Biden’s spending a generation in the Senate Previous in series Next in seriesTable of contents for PalinSarah Palin for Vice President!Palin for VP BandwagonI Favor the DraftThank You, John … Read entire article »
Filed under: American Politics, Executive Branch, Original writing, Politics, Satire
How to Run a Presidential Campaign
Let’s face it. Campaigning for President has become a narrow road laced with minefields. We’ve made the process all about avoiding any word, deed or notion that could possibly offend anyone. Why? A hundred years or so ago, the campaigns abounded with silly songs, limricks and absolute lies. We still managed to elect capable Presidents. Who really cares if you have a bastard son someplace? Hey, so what if you matriculated publicly. Are you gonna kill Osama bin Laden? That’s what we really want. Some folks are lazy or criminals or slobs. You used to be able to label people, and the voters understood. Everyone has a lazy SOB in their family or their neighborhood. No one minds you telling him to get off his ass and get a job like everyone else. You can’t … Read entire article »
Filed under: American Politics, Executive Branch, Politics, Satire
Coming Soon: Future Posts
- Declaration of War 1812 (in 130 days)
- USS President vs HMS Belvidera (in 135 days)
- General Hull Invades Canada (in 154 days)
- First Battle of Sacketts Harbor (in 161 days)
On Y!CN
- Radioactive Gravel from Japanese Nuke Disaster Used in Buildings
- Fuel Supplies Reach Nome
- Fuel Convoy Reaches Nome
- Russians Sail to Rescue of Ice Bound Alaska Community
- Pope Embraces Anglicans in U.S. with New Ordinariate
- Nebraska Nuke Plant Placed on Special Inspection Status
- Radioactive Water Leaks at Japanese Nuke Site
- Japan Damaged Nuke Plants Still Not Under Control
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