This isn’t advice from her. But it may apply to her.

Daily News

It’s a bad idea to use a cell phone cam to take nudie pictures.

Use a real digital camera. The results are much better.

The following people have not paid me to blog:

• Paris Hilton
• Helen “The Harriden” Thomas
• Robert “Klucker” Byrd D-KKK
• Canada
• France
• Howard Dean
• John Dean
• Jimmy Dean

In fact, I tried to sign up for BlogAds and they ignored me. Nobody wants to buy me.

Normally I’d think this was cool. But, wasn’t there this movie where they blew up a comet and really bad things happened? Well, take solace in that one of the meteorites did hit Paris [the city, not Hilton. She was on her knees so it missed her by a mile.].

National Geographic

NASA engineers are set to launch their Deep Impact space mission tomorrow. The space shot aims to smash an 820-pound (370-kilogram) projectile into a comet on July 4, 2005.

“We expect to provide some great fireworks,” engineer Rick Grammier said at a recent news conference. Grammier is the Deep Impact project manager at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.

If all goes as planned, a flyby spacecraft will shoot a projectile about the size of a trash can into the surface of a frozen ball of ice and rock, comet Tempel 1, creating a crater the size of a football stadium.

Paris Hilton is now appearing in commercials for T-Mobile’s nifty looking cell phone, the Sidekick. Oddly, without her sidekick, Nicole Richie. [snort]

In the latest that I have seen, she is in a scene with Burt Reynolds. Who is undoubtedly delighted to be near the only hot, young woman he could have nasty sex with without taking out his credit card.

Wow, snarky about Paris and Burt in the same post! Could life get any better?

Coming soon, photographic evidence of my pilgrimage to Fox News Headquarters. Not shown, however, will be my humiliating display of standing outside the building and screaming “RITA!” “RITA COSBY!” “I LOVE YOU, RITA!”

The security guards were very nice.

Fox News

“I feel embarrassed and humiliated, especially because my parents and the people who love me have been hurt,” the socialite and reality TV actress said Monday in a statement to The Associated Press.

“I was in an intimate relationship and never, ever thought that these things would become public.”

Oh, let’s see, dear. You mugged continually for the camera. You stopped the sex so that you could pose. You were having sex with a man nearly old enough to be your father. You “stole” this man from a friend. Guess what? You should feel embarrassed and humiliated! And brainless, I forgot brainless.